Psychology 110

My psychology class finally started this past Tuesday. I felt bad that I did not get a chance to read chapter one before the first class, and my teacher kind of rubbed it into the class. I know he was not trying to make us feel bad, so I did not take it personally.
After that day, I made it a point to read the whole thing. It was very interesting. One of the things that stuck out to me was the kind of attitude that pyschologist need to have. They need to be critical thinks that are earger and curious, but they also really need to scrutinize everything they see. At the same time, however, they also need to be open minded about what they are learning. This all makes sense, because psychology is the "science of behavior and mental processes".
The one thing I love about psychology is that you get to study yourself. Granted, there are may fields of psychology that do not focus on human behavior and mental processe, but the ones that do, I find to be very interesting. The one thing that gets me, is that we are made in the image of God, therefore, we are very complex in charater. I do not believe that any person can be put in a box. God alone knows who we truly are. Because of this, I see the importance of having this kind of mindset when studying psychology.

Give it Up

Today I was in my quiet time just thinking about life in general. Much has changed in my life time, and most of it is not for the better. It seems the older society gets, the more extreme it becomes. We live in a day and age where the people are pushing the limits in everything. It is like a fight to find ones identity. Art, music, fashion, media, all of it is trying to capture the personality of something; of life, people, emotion, issues. In this ball of artistic explosion, many beautiful things have been created, but to the world it still is not enough. It will never be enough. What is the point of life when the world does not believe it was started on purpose? There is not point when God is pushed out of it.

In all of this the church still stands, and my generation is growing up and getting ready to take the baton. From what I have seen in much of the youth today is very encouraging. It seems that as the world gets more extreme, so does the youth of the church. There seems to be this drive to get into the culture and turn it around for God. It is like a reclaiming of the arts. It is very exciting.

With all of this, however, I do wonder about my place. I was talking to God about it. In James chapter 2, it speaks of how faith without works is dead. Every time I read it I get convicted because I feel like I am not doing enough works! Today, I did my best to listen as I ready and meditated. The conviction was that in order to live the life of extremity for God, I needed to have more of him; no holding back, no giving in, just walk in obedience to him. It is the plain and simple truth that I have heard many times, but it never loses its meaning or power. Just trust and walk. God will give me the opportunity to show my faith through my works, and in this, get out into the extreme world and be extremely shiny.

Here I am

The school year has started, and alas! I am not taking an English class. I am surprised to be saying that I miss English, but I really do.

Steadfast

The end of the semester is in sight, and with it comes the final crunch to sum up this past years knowledge quest. I have not written in a long time, but much has been on my heart. The end of this semester is very hard for me right now. Once again, I find myself struggling to stay strong. Worry and doubt push through my defenses and feast on my mind. All of this makes me want to run and hide. This makes me ashamed because I am the type of person that will always stand and fight, but now my strength is crumbling; I have not the will to stand anymore. I am tired.
I was reading in James this evening. How often I seem to skim the beginning.
"Count it all joy my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have it's full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4
I have memorized and recited this verse many times, and in the past it has brought me much strength and joy, but tonight God should me something different. I used to focus on the part that talks about "meeting trials of various kinds". It reminded me to not be downhearted when they come, but today my heart stopped on the word "steadfastness".
What does it mean to be steadfast? To not be moved, to not be affected, to abide by the truth? What do I want to be? Life is not going to get any easier; it will only get harder, but am I willing to open myself up truth of God's heart? I have the choice to take the trials and let Him strengthen me to stand. Very little of what he is doing makes sense, but he is good, and he knows what I can take.
Opening myself up to Him is a hard thing. I am letting my desire go and allowing him to touch the softest parts of my heart. Without trials I cannot learn how to be steadfast; I will have nothing to learn to stand against. I must trust that God knows what he is doing. He is not in my life to squash me every time I do something wrong. He is hear to give life; in this life and the next. Overcoming trials is apart of it, because without it we will never learn to rest in him, and in the end standfast.

I Think

I think last nights musings were do to the fact that I really need a break, but with the way this semester has gone I do not feel that even spring break will provide much comfort. I also was feeling overwhelmed with my assignments from ACA class. I must say that right now I do not like my teacher. Deep down inside this is not true. I just tiered of the pressure of doing her homework. I know that she does not assign it to be mean; she is just trying to get us to learn, but sometimes I just wish she would understand!
I do not want to be angry at her or anyone for that matter. Like the poem said: " I am just tired". I need to work on homework.

I Am Tired

I am tired.
My body told my head today that it was so.
I am tired of the push.
I am tired of the climb.
I am tired of this endless laps in time.

Get up, get dressed, get food, get going!
Don't stop to breath, don't stop to think,
Don't stop to care, don't stop to share,
Must keep running, must keep drumming
The endless dirge of life.

And if you stop to feel the figure points its judgment back on you.
You said this is what you wanted.
Why do you give less?
I AM TIRED OF BEING HUNTED!
I NO LONGER WANT TO GIVE THE GUESS!

In my push to stay alive I see how others seem to thrive.
How they do I cannot tell.
I am still stuck inside a cell.
Its walls are cold; my spirit is damp.
I wish for the warmth of a flickering lamp.

I am tired!
The wave crashed in again.
I am tired of being the only one.
Does anybody understand?!
No!

The butter is to soft my dear.
There is not enough for all that bread.
Even if you scrape it thin.
Can't you see I am turning GREEN!
And now I no longer make sense

Because I am TIRED!

Hello Again

I am back, and this time the sun is shinning! In class today, we continued to watch Hamlet. I also handed in my draft. It was a mess, but at least I have something written down that I can work with. At this point I am starting to get sick of Hamlet. It seems to be all I can think about at times. My thoughts, however, are starting to make sense. I will see what I can do on my paper this afternoon.
After class today, Holly and I stayed a minute to talk with Ms Frailly. She helped me understand more to the layout of the assignment. Apparently my thesis statement is my opinion on the play, and not what Shakespeare is trying to say and my opinion on it. This makes matters a whole lot easier. I really did not know how I was going to fit it all in there. I also noticed that when I was trying to write in that focus I went off in a whole lot of rabbit trails.
With this in mind, here is my focus; I believe Hamlet did over set the bounds of his destiny as well as others. Whether or not Shakespeare meant to show it, the consequences of his actions is seen in the end of the play by the deaths of those closest to him. It is all very sad.

Good Morning!

In these past few hours my heart has been open to the voice of God. They say that the fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom. Unfortunately I have let the wrong kind of fear take hold. It is the kind that makes you run from him when you think you have done something wrong. This is just the kind of fear that Satan has a field day on. "Stay away, stay away," he whispers in your ear, but in reality that is the worst thing you can do. In doing this you think that life will be easier, but it is not; it is harder.
I forget so often the power of Christ bloody sacrifice. He live a perfect life in order to give me freedom from my sin and victory over temptation and trials. But, I am like a horse that has been tethered for so long that I forget that I have the freedom to run. The gate has been opened but I am still standing by the fence.
In the book of Hebrews, the writer speaks of the freedom we have in Christ and how he has become our High Priest because of his sacrifice. It ends by saying that we should approach the throne of grace, therefore with confidence in order to receive mercy in our time of need. If there is anything that I can do that is right in my sine it is to run to God in order to take part in his mercy. He paid the full price; I cannot take it for granted.

God Save

"Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall"
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

THESIS!!!!

Okay, so I have been working most of the afternoon on this paper and I kind of have a thesis. I am also coming along with the outline of the paper! PRAISE THE LORD! I prayed for understanding and I got it. Part of me wishes it would have come sooner, but at the same time I am just glad it is finally starting to make sense. I have to say that this draft is going to be more like an outline. YUCK! I hate it when I can't hand in a good assignment, but the truth is I have been busting my brain over this play ever since we started reading it! It is only now the few days before that it started to clear. But I must not complain. This is just the beginning and I still have a good bit of time to make it all work. It is going to take a lot of hard work, but I must meet this challenge. I have not fallen yet, by the grace of God, and I do not believe he will let me down. I just need to be faithful to work my hardest.
What is hard is that I do not have as much time to work on this assignment. I feel bad for saying this, but I feel like my home life can get in the way at times and pull me down. I know that where I go there will always be other responsibilities on my shoulders, but I am having a hard time learning how to cope. Part of it is my fault. I could spend more time doing school, but sometimes I am just so tired that I cannot think. In the end I feel guilty for taking a break because I always take longer then what I should and I do not get as much done as I need. I am still fighting with myself to just stay disciplined. I feel ashamed. I just can't do it, and I feel like I am letting God down when I choose to not stay on top of things. I also feel like I am letting my teachers down and my study partners and myself.
I keep thinking back to last semester. I cannot believe how hard I worked, but at the same time it was understandable. Once again it was fear that fueled all of my pushing. It was my first big semester in college and I thought I was going to do awful. In the past school had been very hard for me, and I thought I would not make it to college. I felt trapped, because there is not much you can do in life without a college education. I wanted to be something in the world, but felt that I had no means of getting there academicly. I was so thankful that I could get into spcc, but I still did not know if I could make it. I believed that God was saying it was time to go to school, but I did not know what the outcome would be. When I walked into Ms Frailly's class I wanted to run and hind. She was going to be hard. I could not run away though; to do this would be running away from my future and I could not let fear make me give it up. What would I do if I dropped out? I said, but never felt comfortable the entire semester. This year is a little better, but I am not pushing as hard because I am not so afraid and that scarse me.
Man am I weird!

Update

I did not get to work as much on my paper today as I was hoping. I am trying not to get stressed. I have thought a great deal about it, and I finish the story as well. With the end comes new ideas and thoughts. I have been writing them down, but still do not have an clear format. I think tomorrow I will reread the assignment and see if that helps. I am so thankful that I am at least getting ideas finally. I was really stuck earlier.
There has been one thing on my mind that has really bugged me ever since we started watching the film in class. I read the text, listen to it and watch different versions of the play performed. I will say that so far the version that Ms Frailly has shown in class has been very accurate, but there are some things in it that I do not agree with. Life for instance, the character of Polonius. According to the film, he is also a slimy person, and that is why he gets along so well with the king, but I do not know if I agree with this. In certain scenes you see how badly he treats his daughter, Ophelia, and you wonder if that was truly what the play was like. I do not think he was such an evil old man, but I am afraid that no one will see this and therefore not understand my paper. I need to study the text more to back up my argument.
I am tired.

Brain Storm

Ever since the end of Wednesday's class have been racking my brain in trying to know how to start writing. So far I have just been putting down my thoughts, and this has helped. I just do not know how to organize it all. I also am having a hard time knowing how to pull out key points. I feel silly saying such things. It just goes to show you how much of a perfectionist I am. Well, it is not really perfectionism, it is just the fear of falling behind and having to spend 24 hours awake with no sleep.
This is exactly how I felt my first semester in English class. I was so afraid that I would fall behind and get a bad grade that I worked on my papers night and day. The hard work paid off, but it took a hard tole on my body. This semester has been a bit easier, but I am still afraid that because I do not have the same kind of fear to drive me that I will not have the discipline to get my work done. All of these feelings have have had a rather negative affect on my performance. I get intimidated and do not want to start. Nevertheless, I have been trying to work through. I am not doing the best at it, but I at least keep going.
With Hamlet, for instance, this is the first time I have been absolutely clueless about where to start. I do not understand how to argue any of the points on the topic sheet. I picked the 4th one because I thought I saw some connections, but it is still pretty tricky. I just need to keep writing. It would help if I could read some examples. They always get me thinking.

Still Far From Over

So the last time I wrote I was having a hard time with time itself. It is funny though, even though I was upset with the fact that times was running on it is still reassuring that hard moments in time do not last forever. Therefore, my life might be dragging me through the mud, but that does not mean that I will always be in this same position. Time always changes things, whether they be good or bad. The encouraging thing is that if I live my life to God and not time I will never be disappointed.
At the moment, life is still not easy. Time is still running to fast for me, but within the past few days things have gotten a little better. I was really stressed out about this paper that we have been assigned. I was not understanding how I needed to start, and so I felt overwhelmed. Going to class on Monday really help, however. Ms Frailly went over the different topics we could write about again, and this time it made more sense. What helped me the most was when she said to start asking questions about the text. This is what helps bring out the thesis, and therefore, the backbone of the argument. I sat down with Amber after class and we both did this. Then we watched the second act of Hamlet. I was not able to really get much, but it was a step forward.
Praise God for always being there to help me out.

Time!

I sit at my desk today in the midst of rain and fear. Why must my spirit have to fight so hard to have faith when my body is beat to the dust in fatigue? With every rain drop that falls, another minute in time hits the earth and is gone. My life seems to be on its way down the storm drain!
This semester started like every semester in my life began. Everything had its place; life was all simplicity. Just follow the pattern and in the end your these pieces of cloth will be a ball gown; sounded and looked easy enough! But oh, you did not cut these pieces right, must do it again; your stitches are not correct, must rip them and redo. In an attempt to get the product right, I have lost sight of the purpose. The point of learning is not to get the grade, but to gain knowledge! I am not being loaded assignments for the sake of pleasing my teacher; it is for the sake of knowing and applying. Therefore, my heart must not be dismayed in the new quest before me, but my heart still holds fear. I do not feel ready! Understanding has run through the streets of my mind in search of answer; it has found no home. I am lost and I do not know where to go to get on track. Time is still ticking on!
I look at Hamlet and I do not know where to begin. It is beautiful and full of meaning, but I do not get the concept, so what do I do. I understand what is happening in the story, but I do not know how to channel it into my own interpretation. Until then nothing of mine is down on paper, and the semester will not wait for me to collect my thoughts. I am all for the learning process, but with deadline breathing down my neck it gets hard to breath my thoughts out. I am not trying to raise complaint. Without the time goal all projects would never come to fruition.

God, you are the founder of understanding! Nothing can live apart from you; even the ways of man. Please help me to understand and execute what I know. I cannot do this on my own. You be my strength; I will wait.

Hamlet

For the past week or so, I have been reading, listening and watching Hamlet. I must say that I am really enjoying it. The words that Shakespeare used in this play have so much power and feeling. He really captures the soul of his character. Because it is so deep, I feel that I have just begun to grasp the text. There is still so much that I do not see.
This morning I read over the assignment requirements, and it hit me: this is going to be a really hard paper. I like the challenge, but I do not like the time crunch, especially with something as complex as Hamlet. I have not even read the whole thing yet, so I feel like I am starting in the dark. I know that I have said this with all of my papers, but I truly think that this is going to be the hardest I have ever written! I wish I had more time to get to know the play. I just need to start eat, sleep, and breath Hamlet for the next couple of weeks! OOOUUGGH! The more I think about it the more overwhelmed I become. Time ticks on and my life seems to drain away in learning as fast as I can. I do not want to live my life in the shadow of deadlines. Otherwise I will never see life in the right light.

This is How I Feel!

Stay Awake!
By Ellen Brown



Alone again within the night.
My spirit screams, I run in fright
Why must it always be this way?
That I am up slaving tile break of day.

For once, just once can I find rest,
Not have to bare this ignorance!
As time ticks on and life unfolds,
Like rushing wave with not control.

My heart breaks down and spirit sighs,
Why do all people play with lies.
They do not protect; they only wound,
They leave not hope for future good.

I sit here lost and full of shame,
What kind of witness to His name?
There is the map, there is the road,
But will He want my sagging load?

If that were true there’d be no sign,
Of direction to His Glory Vine.
There would not be that spark of Hope,
That makes me look beyond the smoke.

Up above this world so high,
I am the apple of His eye.
And yes, I fell off of my bike,
But must push past the comfort trike,

Must face the truth yet once again,
Must trust the payment for my sin.
Must keep in walking up hills so tall,
But not with strength I’ve gain at all!

I still sit here in cover of night,
The room is cold, the lamp is bright.
The empty space not gone away,
But it is clear He’s here to stay,

And from within the trumpet cries,
Heralding the truth from lies!
What once was lost has now been found,
There is not doubt I will not drowned.

AAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG!

How I wish time would stop! I feel so shallow for saying it, but that is what I truly wish. What do you do when your brain gives out on you? It is one thing to push through when the obstacles you face are on the outside of you, but when the negative forces are at work within it is a whole different story. I just cannot seem to push through! I try to sit down and work on this but nothing comes out and I end up getting more confused. I try to clear my head but I end up spending to much time doing other things. Time is running out and the more I try to write the less sense I make. I am starting to scare myself because my will does not want to push anymore! I feel like I have lost the plot for life itself!
I think of the Psalms, how so often David was might by problems far greater then what I face. He would also cry of his fear and depression, but in the end he always had hope. This is a great encouragement to me even though I do not feel it at the moment. Time will keep going, and it will always change things. This moment in time will pass and I will be brought to new places in life, and face new challenges, but it I put my hope in the LORD all will be made right in his good time. So I what for it in the stillness of the night. I will always have the hope that he will bring the morning.

THESIS!!!

You would think that after writing all of these papers I would have a handle on how to write a good thesis, but I do not. I have been trying to conger up something suitable and it does not seem to be working out. Now I am tried and trying not to become overwhelmed!

What to Do!!!!?????

Right now I am in a pickle. I just got back my results from my last math test and they were not very encouraging. I was surprised because I understood everything on the test and did all of my math properly. After going back and looking at the ones I got wrong I saw that one of them was a stupid mistake and that to others dyslexic. Then I noticed that two other problems were wrong because I had not rounded them. I thought back and remembered asking my teacher whether or not I needed to round something if the problem did not specifically say to. She had said not and so I made sure to read all of my math problems through to make sure they were or were not asking. The two I got wrong did not say to round. I asked my teacher about it and she said something like, "Even if they do not tell you to, you still need to round". I reminded her that she had told me not to, but she seemed to not take that into account. She just blamed in on the test being unclear. This frustrated me because I would have gotten a high grade if I had understood this. I really wish she would see this. It makes me angry, but I want to respond in the right way. Is it wrong for me to go to someone else and explain the situation for should I just leave it as is. It was not a supper bad grade, but those four missed points would make a big difference. I just needed to get out my thoughts.

It Was Never Meant to Be This Way

In 2006 I spent three months in a little country in Africa called Swaziland. At that point in time it was stated that almost half of the population was infected with HIV/AIDS. When I went there I was expecting to see the devastation that this disease was causing, but in truth I saw very little of it. In that country, it was considered shameful to have the disease and so they would hide those who carried it. This does not mean, however that I did not see any of it. You did not have to see the physical affects to know that something was terribly wrong with the people. You could see it in the eyes, in the way people walked and it the way they built their lives. There was a weighed down sort of atmoshere, and the depressing part was that there was nothing these people could do to escape it.
I also saw how the selfishness of others lead to the breakdown of the country. Let us be blunt and honest. The spread of HIV/AIDS is caused by people not willing to practice self-control. Their concern is not for the well being of the people they get into bed with; it is for what they can get out of the moment of pleasure. It is this kind of attitude that has triggered the death of the country, and it has left much pain, sorrow, hunger, and suffering among its people. This is what I came into contact with while I was there: the after affects.
Being in a situation like this is very intimidating. You feel very small and lacking. You try to help as much as possible, but you still feel like a drop in the ocean at times. One day I was sitting on a hill talking to God and I asked him, "Father, why do you allow the innocent to suffer, and the guilty to walk free?". I already knew the answer to the question, but I was having a hard time understanding the reason behind it. I know that suffering came about by sin. If it were not for the sins of the people suffering would have not place, but what I could not understand how so often the ones who did no wrong were handed such grief. I sat and waited for a reply and it came.
His answer, "Ellen, I see the sin you speak of at its most disgusting point. You are just scratching the surface with your awareness. I see it all every hour of the day and night; my face is never hidden from it, and I hate it was much as you do. I do not like to see them suffer, but you need to understand this world is going some place; it will not last forever, and all that is happening in the world is leading up to that point. All of this must come to pass if the story is going to have a happy ending. Ellen, I have been here for all time; there is not end to me, therefore I have remembered all of the injustice that has been done in the world, and I have not forgotten a single one. One day I will come back and hold everyone accountable for the sins they have inflicted on others. They will be paid in full for the magnitude of their actions, and it will not be a pretty sight. I hate to wait; I have been waiting since the beginning of time to bring you all back to me, but now is not the right moment. Ellen, will you wait with me?"
All of this flashed in my mind and I understood. Yes the innocent will be rewarded for their endurance someday. Therefore I will do my part to stand by them as much as I am able,and give them the support they need to make it to that day.

Try

Today, like all Fridays, was my day to teach my dance classes, but this time it was different. My friend, Ava, needed someone to take over Jr Hip hop warm up and also teach the adult Hip hop class. She had been sick all week and was very weak. When I got the message I thought, "what!? I can't do that! I am not a Hip hop teacher! I can learn Hip hop but I CANNOT teach it." Needless to say, I did not want to do it, but my friend needed help, and I could not refuse. I said yes and waited with quaky knees for Friday to come. As you can see, Friday came and is almost gone. I now lay in bed thinking of how well the day went. Both classes went just fine. I did not have anything to worry about.
As I think about my attitude throughout the day, I cannot help but feel a little ashamed. I remember telling myself after I said yes to Ava that I could not believe that I was inadequate. I had to believe that I could teach the class. Not because I had the power, but because it was what God was calling me to do. He wanted me to help Ava. I was still nerves, but I was trying to trust him. At times that was hard, and that is why I felt guilty. Now that I can sit back, I am truly thankful that God does not give up on us even when we chose to not trust him. I am so weak at times, and all I can cry is, "have mercy on my, I am human." He does have mercy; he did not wait for us to get our act together before he came to earth to die for us. No, while we were in the deepest part of our shame he came and took our place. I still have hope for tomorrow, and so I will keep trying!

Who are We?

For a bit of time I have been thinking about the poem "Those Winter Sundays." It hits me in a different way the more I thought about it. It made me think about who we are as people.
In my life there have been times that I have failed to see the good that others have done for me, but at the same time I never missed when they would get in my way. Through time I saw how it was because of my selfishness that I did not see. This realization brought much shame and sorrow. As a follower of Christ, my goal is to live my life outside of myself for the benefit of him and others, but my true nature always seems to find a way to pull me back. This makes me realize that I cannot achieve my goal on my own. I cannot fix a problem that is apart of my me. I need help from someone else. I cannot look to other men because then also struggle with life's toil. So where can I go to be saved from myself?
Many people will say that they do not want to trust in God because he does not understand the plight of man, but how can this be true if God was the one to create both male and female. He made us, so therefore, he must understand how we work. He placed it in us in the first place. Can I say to him, "you do not know me"? It is true that sin has warped our true nature, But does that mean that God cannot understand us? If he is the founder of understanding do you think he would lack it in this matter? No, he understands and he wants to give us a way out and a second chance. I can trust him to save me, and change me into someone that can see the good that others do for me and be thankful.
"Those Winter Sundays" is sad because it speaks of the sorrow one experiences how foolishly they have acted towards the truth. Does this person wish they could go back? Most likely, but they can't. All they have is there lose and the weight of their guilt. I have had this in my life, but with God, even it my biggest failure I can always have hope of a new day and a second chance to change.

Wake!

This morning in class Ms Frailly made us write a poem. I will be honest,I was not looking forward to this. In the past when ever I have tried to write anything poetic I end up just sitting and looking at a blank sheet of paper. I figured I would not do much better in her class. I was wrong. I was actually able to write a whole page, and I do not think it sounded to bad. It helped to hear her read a poem first to get the feel of it. It got me excited. I never thought I would be able to do something like this. I am wake to it now!
Other news of the day, I AM SICK OF THIS PAPER!!!!!! You would think that since I have come through English 111 that I would be better at this whole writing thing. I am not. I still get stressed out and stuck! I still want to run away, and I still sometimes wish I was somewhere else! At the same time I wish I had more time to work on it. I always feel like I can do more to my work to make it better.
Today we worked on style and editing. I was glad to have someone new read it. She caught a lot of things that others did not. I am very grateful to her. Now I am in the library trying to clean this paper up. It is hard to sit in this chair for so long. The sad thing is that I have not been here very long! I need to get back to work.
It helped to just write it out.

Poetry

Tonight I started reading the sections in my lit book concerning poetry. I will admit, even though I knew poetry had a lot of feeling in it, it did not strike me as being so focused on feeling. I thought it was interesting how poetry is feeling condensed. The writer is trying to put all their feeling in a short space. Every word, therefore, every word has screams with meaning. I can remember times in my life when I was feeling very deeply about something and I wished to get it out. I would take out my diary and try to write something that dripped with what I was feeling. I never really did feel very satisfied with the end results. Therefore, I have a deep respect for those that can do it.
Poetry is so beautiful. I truly wish I could write it. It makes me think, I believe that every person has some form of poetry existing in their life, but so many times they do not realize it is there. In order to get it out you do not need to necessarily need to write it out. For me, I find that it comes out when I dance. That deep inner part of me comes out when I hit the dance floor. For some it might be cooking or painting; it can also be seen in architecture, music, inventions; anything that brings out the heart of a person. If we all learned how to get it out this world would not be so stressed. It also shows just how special every single person is. There is not two people that are completely alike. Wow, I have gone off on a journey of thought! Oops:-)

Work in Progress

I just got done reading through my draft and making changes. I must say that it really helped to staple the sheets together in one long scroll so that I could see how it all lays out. I have found that one of the reasons I do not like rereading my drafts it because my computer screen is so small, and it is hard for me to get an understanding of how it flows. I made some changes for the order that I will write it and did a little editing.
I feel bad. This morning I woke up and saw that it had snowed. My first thought was, "there will me not school today". OH NO! I can't miss SCHOOL! I have so much I need to learn! How am I going to get this paper done right if I cannot learn how to do it! I kept checking Blackboard and my email and this blog to see if Ms Frailly had written any instruction on what we should do today; nothing. I see that this kind of situation is good. Now is the perfect time to learn to apply all I know on my own. It really is what we all are supposed to be doing. I guess the reason I do not like to is because I feel like my life depends on this grade sometimes. Really, this is not the point. I came to college to learn, not make good grades. The grades are just a reflection, and yes, they are what other schools will look at to see if I am a good student, but it I am just trying to use what I am taught how can that put me to shame? So, needless to say I sat back and enjoyed the fact that we did not have school today, and used what I had learned from last class to work on what I was doing. I feel better knowing that I have a better handle on what I am doing!

Stuck!

I am so frustrated at the moment! I thought I new what I was doing with this paper, but now I feel like I have been thrown for a loop! I must admit that I get confused easily with this assignment. Normally in the past I could see very clearly what I needed to do with writing assignments, but for some reason this semester I feel like I am in a fog. I just can't seem to get out of it, and I feel very lost!
I was working on my thesis tonight, and I thought I had something good. Then I realized that my argument was not sound. So I am back to the drawing board, and time is running out. I am glad I caught it while I still had some time, but at the moment I am tired and I do not want to think. I think I will try to read the story again and then sleep on it.

OK! I Think I Got It

I am in class right now trying to figure out all of this online stuff that we need to get through this English class. I must say that I am still a little confussed, but I think I have most of it down. While I was doing all of this I got to thinking; I think it is really cool how in this day and age how we can communicate with people all over the place.
I need to go add more people before class ends.
See you Laterrrrrr

Blind Write

I have been working on this first project for a while, and I feel like I am in a fog. I understand the concept of the assignment, but I am having a hard time knowing how to apply it. I feel silly because Ms frailly said to not stress out about the draft, but I am having a hard time just getting my thoughts out at the moment. I keep typing away; just trying to put down anything and everything in order to see if I can make any sense of what I am doing. Time will tell. Until then I just keep typing blind.

Araby

I do not have any brothers. I also have never really had a guy friend until recently, so there is much that I do not know about the male mind. That is why I thought this story was interesting. It gave me an inside view to what a boy might think.
I also thought the conclusion was interesting. Everything the boy did lead up to the end. He saw who he was, and what the motives for his actions truly were. I just wonder what he did after the point of recognition. Did he stop liking the girl, or did he fall back into his ways. It reminds me of real life. we might catch ourselves doing things that we are ashamed of. When we do we are then given a choice; to keep doing the action, or change and strive for better.

The Yellow Wallpaper

I must say that I did not get this story at all. I understood what was happening, but I did not see the point of the it. I wondered if the end had a specific meaning. I really do not know what else to say.
I did think it was interesting that it was written in the first person. It was a different angle so see someone going crazy from the inside. Everything seemed logical to her. At the same time, as the reader you wonder if what she is seeing is really true, and the people around her are not in tune to what is going on.
I wonder if the meaning itself was in the wallpaper, after all that is what the tile of the story is. I wonder if the way her husband treated her had something to do with it.

Boys and Girls

I finished reading "Boys and Girls" today. I must say that when I first started reading, I did not enjoy it, but towards the end I changed my opinion.
I believe I did not like it at first because I did not understand the point of the story. At first it was a girl that was simple telling you the story of part of her life. I will be honest, I did not realize that she was a girl until later on. I must have missed something:-) Anyhow, it started to get interesting when the conflict entered the scene. She was struggling with wanting to have all the strengths of a boy, but being held back by her girl body. Her world around her also seemed to weigh her down. A good example can be found in the comments her grandmother made about her during a visit, "Girls don't slam doors like that" and so on and so forth.
At first, she seemed to push the comments away by acting the extreme opposite of what she was supposed to be. Over time, however, the text shows how she starts to change in spite of herself. I believe a big turning point comes when she witnesses the butchering of a horse. It affects her in a way that she was not expecting to touch her in such a way.
I thought this was very interesting. It took me back to when I was changing. Sometimes I would fight it, and other times I would embrace.

I Do Not Know What I am Doing

I do not know if this is how I post another blog, so I am going to see what this does.

The Beginning

I finally figured out how to get into my blog, thus beginning a long journey through the 09 spring semester. I am excited and scared at the same time. Last year was spent proving to myself that I could get through college with flying colors, this year will be spent learning how to build on what I learned last year.
With that being said I will inform you as to what I must now start to build. Last Wednesday was our second day of English class. Our teacher, Ms Frailly, started off the day with a discussion on the reading that had been assigned on the first day of class. The primary focus was on the story, "The Lame Shall Enter First". We had all read the story, and were now discussing it in detail. We talked about the characters, the plot and what it meant to us as readers. It was interesting to see what other people thought of the story. It also helped me have a greater understanding of it because I saw it from every ones point of view.