THESIS!!!!

Okay, so I have been working most of the afternoon on this paper and I kind of have a thesis. I am also coming along with the outline of the paper! PRAISE THE LORD! I prayed for understanding and I got it. Part of me wishes it would have come sooner, but at the same time I am just glad it is finally starting to make sense. I have to say that this draft is going to be more like an outline. YUCK! I hate it when I can't hand in a good assignment, but the truth is I have been busting my brain over this play ever since we started reading it! It is only now the few days before that it started to clear. But I must not complain. This is just the beginning and I still have a good bit of time to make it all work. It is going to take a lot of hard work, but I must meet this challenge. I have not fallen yet, by the grace of God, and I do not believe he will let me down. I just need to be faithful to work my hardest.
What is hard is that I do not have as much time to work on this assignment. I feel bad for saying this, but I feel like my home life can get in the way at times and pull me down. I know that where I go there will always be other responsibilities on my shoulders, but I am having a hard time learning how to cope. Part of it is my fault. I could spend more time doing school, but sometimes I am just so tired that I cannot think. In the end I feel guilty for taking a break because I always take longer then what I should and I do not get as much done as I need. I am still fighting with myself to just stay disciplined. I feel ashamed. I just can't do it, and I feel like I am letting God down when I choose to not stay on top of things. I also feel like I am letting my teachers down and my study partners and myself.
I keep thinking back to last semester. I cannot believe how hard I worked, but at the same time it was understandable. Once again it was fear that fueled all of my pushing. It was my first big semester in college and I thought I was going to do awful. In the past school had been very hard for me, and I thought I would not make it to college. I felt trapped, because there is not much you can do in life without a college education. I wanted to be something in the world, but felt that I had no means of getting there academicly. I was so thankful that I could get into spcc, but I still did not know if I could make it. I believed that God was saying it was time to go to school, but I did not know what the outcome would be. When I walked into Ms Frailly's class I wanted to run and hind. She was going to be hard. I could not run away though; to do this would be running away from my future and I could not let fear make me give it up. What would I do if I dropped out? I said, but never felt comfortable the entire semester. This year is a little better, but I am not pushing as hard because I am not so afraid and that scarse me.
Man am I weird!